changed blog skin again. what do you think? lol. hmms. okay. lets talk about yesterday.
like i said, feli is so kind. lol. she met me at bp with her brother. she was eating dinner with her brother. and i went there to meet her. lol. and i whined and whined. LOL. and the weather was so freaking cold. i was trembling inside. lol. after feli and her brother finished their dinner, they went to NTUC and feli bought the mushroom soup. and after that, feli and i went out of the shopping center 1st because i was way too cold while her brother went to buy some food. lol. bf said he would reach ard 6.45pm. so feli, her bro and i went to the bus stop and feli waited for her bus. at 1st, feli wanna accompany me to wait for jd to reach but i felt bad. dont wanna her to miss the 7pm show. so told her that i going over bf's shelter there and meeting him there. after that, feli's bus came, she and her bro went home.
lol. i walked over to the shelter. saw no one. and it near 7pm already. thought bf didnt receive my sms on meeting at the shelter, so i went to the bus stop where we usually meet in the morning. but still, bf not there. then i saw another bus 171 passed by. and i guessed, bf should have alighted from that bus. so i went back to the shelter and i saw bf crossing the traffic light.
kinda not happy with bf. guess due to some communication problems. duh. then tried to sort everything out, etc. after that, saw bf's project and bf's mama helped him to cut out the project. bf told me that he meeting his friend after he sent me home. he wanna pass the project to the friend as he didnt intend to go to school today.
well, at that point of time, i was thinking if that friend is a guy or a girl. sigh. smsed feli and told her about how i feel. seriously, whether history will repeat itself i dunno. was in total mood after that. then bf thought that my feelings for him faded, etc. then after that, we went down and puffed. then he told me its a girl. and yeah, i got paranoid again. but i didnt choose to say. bf tried to explain that those who stayed near him are all girls. the nearest guy who stayed near him, stays in bukit batok. duhs. then after everything, about to take bus, bf's friend called. she told him that he had to collate all the work he had done into the CD and bf didnt do it. so no choice, he had to go school today. slacked at my house void deck for awhile. talked. crapped.
sigh. the fear is still there. no matter how much bf assures me. i still feel the same. i dont know why. i think and i will think. i dont wish history to repeat itself anymore. i dont wish to get cheated over and over again. i dont wish to put in so much hopes, efforts if this r/s is going to be the same as before. but how do i know if history is going to repeat. i need to protect myself and hence, i learnt to be selfish. when i am selfish, i still fear so much. but why? the shadow is still there. i dont know. who doesnt wish to live happily with their loved ones. who doesnt wish to stay happy. who doesnt wish to live without fear. who doesnt wish to last long with their partner? oh man. i dont know what i should do. to make myself believe that history is not repeating. i am not comparing bf with my previous guys. i am just worry, afraid that history will repeat. for i know i am not a that girl a guy will want. i am possessive, paranoid, unreasonable, petty. i dont know. just pray, just wish that history aint repeating itself. even this story between me and bf has to end, i dont wish to end it with such situations anymore. i dont wanna get cheated. i am also a human with feelings that normal humans are feeling. the more i love, the more afraid and worry i am. really.
like i said, feli is so kind. lol. she met me at bp with her brother. she was eating dinner with her brother. and i went there to meet her. lol. and i whined and whined. LOL. and the weather was so freaking cold. i was trembling inside. lol. after feli and her brother finished their dinner, they went to NTUC and feli bought the mushroom soup. and after that, feli and i went out of the shopping center 1st because i was way too cold while her brother went to buy some food. lol. bf said he would reach ard 6.45pm. so feli, her bro and i went to the bus stop and feli waited for her bus. at 1st, feli wanna accompany me to wait for jd to reach but i felt bad. dont wanna her to miss the 7pm show. so told her that i going over bf's shelter there and meeting him there. after that, feli's bus came, she and her bro went home.
lol. i walked over to the shelter. saw no one. and it near 7pm already. thought bf didnt receive my sms on meeting at the shelter, so i went to the bus stop where we usually meet in the morning. but still, bf not there. then i saw another bus 171 passed by. and i guessed, bf should have alighted from that bus. so i went back to the shelter and i saw bf crossing the traffic light.
kinda not happy with bf. guess due to some communication problems. duh. then tried to sort everything out, etc. after that, saw bf's project and bf's mama helped him to cut out the project. bf told me that he meeting his friend after he sent me home. he wanna pass the project to the friend as he didnt intend to go to school today.
well, at that point of time, i was thinking if that friend is a guy or a girl. sigh. smsed feli and told her about how i feel. seriously, whether history will repeat itself i dunno. was in total mood after that. then bf thought that my feelings for him faded, etc. then after that, we went down and puffed. then he told me its a girl. and yeah, i got paranoid again. but i didnt choose to say. bf tried to explain that those who stayed near him are all girls. the nearest guy who stayed near him, stays in bukit batok. duhs. then after everything, about to take bus, bf's friend called. she told him that he had to collate all the work he had done into the CD and bf didnt do it. so no choice, he had to go school today. slacked at my house void deck for awhile. talked. crapped.
sigh. the fear is still there. no matter how much bf assures me. i still feel the same. i dont know why. i think and i will think. i dont wish history to repeat itself anymore. i dont wish to get cheated over and over again. i dont wish to put in so much hopes, efforts if this r/s is going to be the same as before. but how do i know if history is going to repeat. i need to protect myself and hence, i learnt to be selfish. when i am selfish, i still fear so much. but why? the shadow is still there. i dont know. who doesnt wish to live happily with their loved ones. who doesnt wish to stay happy. who doesnt wish to live without fear. who doesnt wish to last long with their partner? oh man. i dont know what i should do. to make myself believe that history is not repeating. i am not comparing bf with my previous guys. i am just worry, afraid that history will repeat. for i know i am not a that girl a guy will want. i am possessive, paranoid, unreasonable, petty. i dont know. just pray, just wish that history aint repeating itself. even this story between me and bf has to end, i dont wish to end it with such situations anymore. i dont wanna get cheated. i am also a human with feelings that normal humans are feeling. the more i love, the more afraid and worry i am. really.
